by Ashley D. McGee

Coming in a close second to “I’m sorry”, the words “I forgive you” may be the most difficult three-word combination for any human to utter. No, let me rephrase that. They may be the most difficult to utter honestly.

I don’t normally go around quoting Alexander Pope, but he hit the nail right on the head when wrote “to err is human, to forgive is divine.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t always had such a forgiving heart. I could have been labeled as a “Master Grudge-Holder” not so long ago. Betrayal was not something I took lightly, and I figured one act of dishonesty or maltreatment was enough for me to completely dismiss a person from my life. No looking back. No second chances. I even remember times when someone would challenge one of my unwavering grudges with a comment like: God forgives us all of time, why can’t you?” Then, I would slyly reply, “In what world do you think I am on the same level as God?!”

As you can tell, I was clearly delusional.

Why is it that we give so much power to those who have wronged us? When we hold on to grudges, not only does it drain us spiritually, it often doesn’t even make the person we are holding the grudge against break a sweat. Without their knowledge, we unnecessarily hand over our day-to-day emotional state to someone who is probably still going about their carefree lives.

About a month ago, a female friend of mine (who is actually more like a sister than a friend) and I exchanged rather unflattering words after we let rumors interfere with our relationship. As most of us do when engaging in arguments, she threw a few verbal punches that were extremely below the belt. A couple of weeks went by before we looked each other in the eyes, let alone spoke to one another.

Recently, she caught me by surprise by taking the time to apologize for what she said during that ‘everything but quiet’ conversation in the library, stating that she didn’t mean it (duh!) and that she was just angry (it happens). I openly accepted her back into my life, being that I’d already forgiven her by the time I’d made it home the day of that ridiculous squabble. But this is not always the case.

Can you recall how many times someone has apologized for something they did to you, whether it was intentional or not, and in return you falsely make amends on the surface and then slither back into the bitter mood you’d originally harvested? Yet again I ask, why do we let anger control us?

For most people, they have to receive an apology before they can forgive someone, and not just any ol’ apology, like a text message or a Tweet. No, they need a face-to-face, teary-eyed, sincerity-fueled, exaggerated apology. This can be a dangerous thing.

There have been instances where I have had to make the decision to forgive someone all on my own because: A) I have no idea when I will see them again, or B) I know good and gosh-darn well they are not going to apologize to me! The latter reason may sound a tad judgmental, but if you are close enough to someone for their actions or words to truly hurt you, then you also know them well enough to know if they are the type to extend an olive branch.

In Hebrews 8:12, God says: “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” It is simply not enough to say we forgive someone; we have to put their past indiscretions behind us and agree to move forward into a prosperous future.