THE DR. PHILBILLY SHOW – Thought I Still Had It
One windy rainy day I went to Wal-mart. I walked in, smiled at the greeter and said hello. She can barely get “Welcome to Wal-mart” out of her mouth because she is laughing so hard. Isn’t it just wonderful to see people in a good mood and able to laugh? I get my buggy and head for the grocery isle. This woman walks by me smiling and staring right at me. Then as she passes by I hear her break out laughing. People sure are in a good mood today. As I was shopping I noticed a group of three nice looking girls looking and smiling at me. Hmmm…I thought to myself, “Ole Wayne still got it!”
So I puffed up and started strutting my stuff like a Mississippi Peacock. I don’t get much attention anymore and I have to say, I was eating it up. Everywhere I went there they were, smiling and looking at me. I played it cool, but as I went down the frozen food isle I open the freezer door to retrieve a pizza, as the door closed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of the freezer door. No way! What the heck! CRAAAAAAP! To my surprise I discover why I’m getting so many looks and smiles. As I mentioned earlier it was a rainy and windy day but what I didn’t mention, was that I had a daaang cow lick that morning so I used some hair spray to lay it down.
Well, wouldn’t you know it, the wind had blown my hair, and it stuck, straight up, on one side. It looked like half a Mohawk and it was far from looking cool. My face turned three different shades of red and I could feel my heart beating in my ear lobes. I try to brush it down with my hands but it don‘t work. Craaaaaap! That hair spray is some good stuff. My hair just pops right back up like it’s spring loaded. The only thing I could do was go to the clothing department and put on the first ball cap I could find; tag hanging and all. Even made the check out girl scan it on my head! Groceries – $76.00….“She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” ball cap – $12.99…. looking like Rod Stewart had just woken up – priceless!
only u wayne
Aunt Pauline…Why can’t it happen to someone else for a change, lol.
Funny!!! – It was good to have you on the radio show on Friday! It’s always good to hear someone “in person”.
LISA
Lisa…Thanks for having me. I had a blast doing it. It was so much fun. Can’t wait till next time.
too funny Wayne….
Amy…It wasn’t funny at the time, but it sure was to everyone else, lol.
another great story- my life is so boring compared to yours– luv it
connie…Sometimes that not a bad thing. Be thankful, lol.
Poor Wayne left the house for milk and I think the only thing he came home with was the HAT and self help books lol
Melissa…I did get the milk and hat but if i remember correctly you went back later that night for the self help books, lol.
HA! Stupid door, if only you hadn’t seen yourself, you would have felt so much better about yourself, but then we wouldn’t have this story either…
Sam…u are always the voice of reason. Well, maybe not…lol
I need the name of that hair spray because mine never seems to hold that well. Poor Wayne! Hahaha thanks for the laugh!
Paula…The name of it was “Big Sexy Hair”. Ha Ha Ha…Sure didn’t work for me. Be for warned, lol.
I bet Melissa wouldn’t have told you if she was there.
Gayle…oh how well you must know her. She would have told me tho…After we got home, lol. That’s just wrong!
big sexy hair ROCKS, just not on one side of your head
be glad it wasn’t the curly sexy hair!
Kay…I feel sooooo much better now. I would have looked like a blonde Carrot Top. Just on one side tho, lol.
tooooooooo funny!
Now Brenda…If u would have seen me that day in Wal-Mart I know u would not have laughed at me. Would you?…Of course u would, lol.
i would have loved to have seen this new doo….the cap was probably the real funny part….you know melissa would prefer a mercedes over a tractor.
Debbie…We get our share of bad weather so u just might get ur chance. The hat did look pretty funny considering I was wearing slacks and a dress shirt at the time, lol.
You think Melissa will be satisfied with a Mercedes Tractor? Best of both worlds, lol. I’m just sayin’.
Wayne, how well known are you at WalMart? Do they see you coming? Do you have a tractor to go with that hat? Great stuff. As I said before, slanted.
Myrna…unfortunatly I am well known at Wal-Mart. Its hard not to after that episode, lol. Actually we do have a tractor up here on the hill, my ftr in laws, but its far from sexy, lol.
What help does your self need to read about. M.
Doc, you are hilarious. Keep the stories coming! Ya crackin’ me up.
Sarah Belle
Sarah…Keeping the stories comming just don’t seem to be a problem so be prepared to be cracked up some more. I actually stepped into a story today…but ur gonna have to wait for it, lol…I so hate to tease you!
Wayne,
Every time I hear the song “You Think My Tractors Sexy” I will think of your goofy Rod Stewart self Boy,,,,
Jerry i’m so sorry I ruined that song for you. Chesney and Stewart should write a song together and record it. Call it “Mohawking the Wal-Mart”. lol.
Don’t worry, Wayne. You “still got it” but no one wants to catch it! Strut your stuff, peacock!
Kerri…I’m not sure u can catch stupididice so i think everyone is safe. As for my strut, lol…looks more like my Tweety Bird boxers rolled up into a thong. Not a pretty site, lol.
After spending a childhood watching your antics, nothing ever surprises me anymore. Warning though: Do NOT ever tell a story which embarrasses me!!!!
Phil…dont worry. Do u really think that i would tell the hundreds and hundreds of stories i got on you? lol…not without permission anyway…but u gotta admit. U have given me alot of material to work with, lol.
at least it wasnt a booger
bt…at least a booger would have me $12.99 for a hat, lol.
ok, well that explains THAT! wondered what the deal was with the ball caps….now we know!
hiya melissa!! what you gonna do with this man? huh?? LOL!!
Tera…She is forbidden to asnswer that question. Not sure I really want to know what she has planned for me, lol. Let it go Tera! Just let it go!
That is tooooo funny, I believe we all have those moments wayne! Lol! But urs takes the cake!
Ginger…That one took the whole daaaang bakery, not just the cake, lol.
Wayne…you r too funny! This is my first story to read. I can’t wait for more!
Michelle…Thank you very much. And there are certainly plenty more stories coming. They seem to happen faster than I can write them, lol. Thanks for reading and please keep commenting.
Dr PB,
You had to be in full strut cause yer feathers were fanned open. Gobble Gobble. Keep em comin’
Scott…I didn’t know peacocks gobbled, lol. Ur to much man. I intentially said peacock instead of turkey cause if you or Mark would have seen me as a turkey I would have probably ended up mounted on one of your walls, lol. I’m just sayin’.
I think I saw you that day!!!! Ha Ha. A real Wayner……
Larry…I should have known u would have just watched and laughed instead of helping a brother out. But I can’t really blame you. I would have done the same thing to you, lol.
I was waiting to hear that your zipper was down:) Glad it was your hair that was up!
Katie…For all I know with the way my luck was that day, it probably was down. The hair was just a distraction from anyone noticing, lol.
It gives a whole new meaning to I wish I’d been there! Good stuff, Dr. Philbilly, can you make money at this???
Gina…If I could make money at this I would own my own island by now, lol. A deserted island so one can laugh at my stupid self. Well, I’m sure the monkeys would even laugh so there goes that idea.
Oh Wayne, I thought I had heard this story before. Don’t you have one or two stories to share about Mardi Gras and sock drawers!
Looneytune…As a matter of fact yes I do. And they will be published soon, lol. U will love the Mardi Gras story about my friend Stacey.
Oh No!! Not Jackie Chan!! What about Jimmy and Scooby DOO? You can do one about him to. Rut Ro!
Scooby Scooby Dooooo! Congrats! I bout pee my pants cuz I really do know some of these stories. Love ya!
Way to go Wayne!!! I think we could all just follow you around and stay smiling and/or laughing all the time!
Carol…The laughing part sometimes come in stages. First there is shock. Then there is a “did that really just happen” phase. Then you start the laughing your butt off phase.
Wayne, great stories…Keepum coming…I think this year I will bring a video camera to Mardis Gras with us to catch some of your stories in action….
Stacey…I would have the camera because most of my Mardi Gras stories are about you, lol…u crack me up and supply me with plenty of material, lol.
You need to keep a video cam with you at all times… This stuff is priceless… lol..
Wayne, I think this one just topped the yahoo story in my book. Why couldn’t I have been at Walmart when this happened. Wait I know why, I would have gotten kicked out for laying on the floor laughing my butt off. LOL