You’ve met him before. He’s cute, put-together, a good friend, adores you, but there’s just no spark. There’s nothing inherently wrong with him. You just can’t seem to find the attraction needed to take it to the next level. But for some reason, you keep him around. He’s the kind of guy that will listen to you when you’ve had a bad day, bring you soup when you’re sick, or help you out with a project.

You keep him around knowing that he has feelings for you, and the feelings aren’t mutual but…maybe just maybe, you’ll come around and one day be attracted to him. Maybe he’s that backup plan for when your crush lets you down, or maybe, and dare I say, you find it flattering; it makes you feel good to know that there’s someone who genuinely cares for you.

No matter your excuse, and yes, it’s an excuse, it’s never the right way to treat someone. You think it’s harmless, but is it?

I recently spoke with a friend who is in a “complicated” relationship. He’s a great guy: funny, good looking, and talented. Now, I don’t know the girl personally, but from what I’ve heard she’s great, too. However, she has no clue what she is doing to him. Every time I ask for an update, he repeats sadly, “It’s complicated.” For months, this so-called friendship/relationship has been in the complication stage with zero commitment.

The funny thing is when it comes to love and relationships, girls are pretty simple (believe it or not). We either like the guy or not. As a female, I have come to know that we all innately have a desire to love and to be loved. When the relationship is complicated, it usually means that we simply don’t like the guy well enough to commit.

The complicated part comes when the guy is great, and we are trying to find something there that isn’t. We feel bad to let him down. And honestly, we like the attention, although that’s hard to admit.

To the guys who are reading this: If months have gone by, and your Facebook relationship status still says, “complicated,” then it’s probably safe to say that she’s not that interested.

And girls, shame on you! Now, I know; I’ve been there before. But looking back, I see how disrespectful I was to these wonderful guys.

Having that spark, that “it” factor, is necessary in a relationship. You realize that, and that’s why you won’t commit. Trust me, you will find that spark one day, but give him the chance to do the same with someone who will fully appreciate him.

~ Brittany Trotman