Pumps, wedges, slingbacks, and strappy sandals. Kitten heels, business heels, “too-high” heels, and flats. The smell of Italian leather, the sound of stilettos on a marble floor, the jealous looks of others, and the sweet taste of knowing I look like a million bucks. I know I’m not the only one who obsesses, but most people only obsess this much over love. Silly girls. Here are ten reasons why I will choose new shoes over a man any day.

4. Nobody thinks I’m a tramp if I have more than one pair of shoes. I have shoes of every color, made in many different countries that are all just the right size.

5. I don’t have to pretend that my shoes are funny. Or that I haven’t heard the same joke eleven times already.

6. I have a full 14 days to return my shoes if I’m not satisfied. If I go past the 14 days, I can always give them to charity and get a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

7. Lately, it seems that I’m more likely to find a shoe with a good sole than a man with a good soul.

8. I can put my new shoes in the closet and they will stay there for months without asking for food, water, or a back rub. And I don’t ever have to worry about them “coming out.”

9. I have never woken up in the morning, rolled over, looked at my new shoes, and thought, “I wore those? Ugh. What was I thinking???”

10. I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the guy that I was kissing while I was wearing my favorite pair of black patent leather Calvin Klein pumps with a 2 1/2 inch heel when I was 16. But I sure do remember those shoes.

Now don’t get me wrong. Men will always have a place in my heart. But it would take somebody extraordinary to take the place of my new Manolos. They don’t pinch my toes or cramp my style and they have shiny silver buckles. Enough said.

Follow Paula on Twitter for more hilarious happenings @shoeprincess72