I have this friend, let’s call him JEFF OALMANN, who was riding his motorcycle one beautiful day when he noticed that something was hanging out of the leather pouch and whipping in the wind on the front of the handle bars. He figured it was just a string so he didn’t pay it much attention.

Jeff was coming out of a curve and switching into fourth gear when all of a sudden the string comes flying out of the pouch and hits him right in the chest. He played it pretty cool at first until he noticed that something was attached to the end of the string and had decided it would go up his shirt. 

He could feel something strange crawling all over him under his shirt and that’s when all heck broke loose and he decides to freak out. He begins to swerve all over the road swatting at his stomach and finally darts into a the nearest parking lot, slams on breaks, skids sideways to a stop and hops off the bike.

He is running around this store parking lot, swinging his arms and dancing while pulling off his shirt (just imagine the scene from ‘Talladega Nights‘ when Will Ferrell is running around in his drawers putting out an imaginary fire yelling “Help me Tom Cruise.”) The lady in the store had already dialed the 9 and the 1 and was almost getting to the other 1 when Jeff calms down and finally noticed what attacked him, a lizard. A little bitty lizard. Yep, that’s my friend. I guess we could all use a little help from Tom Cruise. I’m just sayin’.