This morning I got up with the boys to get them off to school. Shortly afterwards Melissa gets up and heads to town to visit a friend that just had a new baby so now I’m home alone. I have a lot to do so I go ahead and take a shower to start my day.

After my shower I’m in my room about to get dressed when I hear a strange noise in the living room. I sit still for a moment and listen and there it is again. I can’t identify what it could possibly be but it has an unusual rhythm to it. Oh, great… it sounds like someone is in the house!

Now this alarms me because recently someone has been going around the neighborhood stealing gas which is why there is now a loaded shotgun beside my bed. I look out the window and sure enough there are no cars and noone that I know should be here at this time. I put on a pair of Army fatigues, a T-shirt, grab the shotgun and prepare for battle.

Dang! What if they have a shotgun to? So, I put a pillow under my T-shirt. Better than nothing right?

I slowly open the bedroom door and sneak out into the hall. I can still hear them in the living room. I peek around the door jam and don’t see a thing but I can still hear them. It’s coming from the kitchen. I poke my head around the corner of the fridge and all I see is our poodle dog “Max” just sitting there…some watch dog. They must have heard me and hid, but where?

So I decide to see if I can scare them off. I yell at Max “GET EM’ BOY! GO GET EM’!”

He takes off like a rocket – barking like crazy. I can hear the noise again. It’s all around me. Craaaap! How many of them are there?

I’m surrounded and spinning around in every direction aiming my gun. I aim to the left, I aim to the right. I’m so confused. I’m about to shoot something but I don’t see a soul.

Finally I see it.

Max has a dad-gum plastic coat hander hooked around his back leg and has been dragging it everywhere he goes. These dang dogs have got to go. I sit down on a kitchen chair holding my gun in one hand and my heart in the other trying to catch my breath. That’s when I realize I look like a fat Elmer Fudd hunting wabbit. I’m just sayin’.