Many of you know that one of our most tried and true “beauty tips” for younger looking skin here at Southern Beauty is sleeping on a satin pillowcase.  Well, Girls, I think I have now found a pillowcase “fit for a Queen” in the Branché Charmeuse Case.  Not only is it made of beautiful and thick silk charmeuse, it is also incredibly soft and resilient and is truly the ultimate in luxury.

Sleeping on a satin pillowcase protects the delicate facial skin and prevents wrinkles by minimizing facial creases.  It also extends the life of your hairstyle by diminishing frizz and helps keep curls smooth.  Another great benefit is that it reduces hair loss and breakage and it also helps promote a more restful night of much needed sleep.  This is a fact that cannot be denied as I now find that I just can’t sleep without my Charmeuse Case!

Donna Hinds, the creator and owner of Branché, was born and raised in the small town of Hannibal, Missouri, famous for Mark Twain’s boyhood stories.  As a child, Donna had always admired the smooth satiny pillow slip which had been part of her mother’s bridal trousseau.  Donna’s early love of textiles unfolded into creating Branché, her own line of women’s fashion and in 1994, Branché became one of the first environmentally friendly lines.  The name, taken from the French term for “hip” & “connected”, was perfect for the company that is a true reflection of Donna’s personality which incorporates her design degree with her yoga certification, energetic healing studies and organic lifestyle.

This is a BIG statement, but when the makers of Stri-Vectin SD say “clinically proven”, it’s not just lip service. The company went as far as analyzing skin biopsies from clinical study participants. Results of the testing were notable ranging from an average 25% decrease in deep facial wrinkles to 100% improvement in skin texture.   

There are lots of products that make similar claims so what makes Stri-Vectin SD unique?   

I’m glad you asked!  It’s the NIA-114 TM– an exclusive form of Niacin (B3) (Niacin in the form of Nicotinic Acid) which yields greater epidermal renewal, wound healing, and pigmentation benefits.  Stri-Vectin is the only product on the market to use this highly active form of Niacin and NIA-114 TM was chosen by the National Cancer Institute for development as a possible skin cancer prevention agent.     

Joy’s Thoughts  

I have continued using the product twice daily for 6 weeks.  Although my skin tends to be sensitive, I have experienced no negative side effects of the moisturizer and even though I do not have a biopsy to prove it, my results do seem to coincide with the manufacturer’s claims:    

Week 2:     Natural collagen and moisture resurging with texture and resilience improving   

Week 8:     Elasticity reinforcing with wrinkles and stretch marks visibly diminishing   

Dear GAB,

We baby boomers raised our kids with the help of baby monitors and nanny cams and now, in our role as the “meat” of the sandwich generation, we’re discovering that there is technology available that can help us keep tabs on our aging parents. I understand the benefits these inventions offer but do you think it’s a violation of our parents’ right of privacy to use these monitoring devices?

                                                                              Signed,

                                                                              Reluctant Spy

Dear Reluctant,

The developments in “aging-in-place technology” further the laudable goal of allowing our parents to safely stay in their own homes and out of nursing homes. Through devices and sensors already available, and other inventions on the cusp, we can monitor who’s ringing their door bell or calling their phone, whether they’ve taken their medication, waken up in the middle of the night or gotten out of bed, their heart rate, blood pressure, glucose levels, and even how much time they’ve spent in the bathroom. Some systems include one or two way video cameras, allowing us to watch our parents going about their daily routine.

GPS devices in their shoes keep track of the wanderings of parents with dementia and soon we’ll be able to implant microchips containing health records of seniors who might be discovered unconscious. (My prediction is that these latter two technologies will merge when people realize patients with dementia don’t necessarily put their shoes on before they walk out the front door.)

These inventions may become critical tools in our effort to protect and care for our aging parents, but I completely understand your delicate concerns about invading your parents’ privacy, especially since payback is right around the corner. You see, before we know it the tables will be turned and our kids will become the salami of the sandwich generation. It will be information about our  most intimate habits and bodily functions that will be sent via email alerts or text messages to their iphones.

Makes you wonder if instead of watching YouTube, our kids will amuse themselves viewing videos of mom wandering aimlessly from room to room, or dad trying to remember where he put his glasses, startling us as their voices boom out from the discreetly hidden speakers: “They’re in the fridge, Dad!”

This scenario raises many fears in my mind. For one, I worry that I will be too boring to watch for very long, like those animals in the zoo that one glances at momentarily and then moves on. What then for my safety and security if my caregivers start channel surfing? It would be tempting to contemplate keeping our voyeuristic offspring glued to the screen with some uninhibited octogenarian love making, but the thought is too depressing. (Not the voyeuristic part so much, but the thought that we might still have to deal with sex in our eighties.)

But what will our kids really hope or expect to see from these recordings? It seems to me they’ll be waiting for the big event – the catastrophe that justifies the substantial investment in the system: “Look Jenna! Mom’s fallen down and can’t get up. Now aren’t you glad we spent all that money on video cameras?” I know our kids won’t wish us ill, but discoveries like that are really the point of the whole thing. And there we will be splayed and immobile on the floor, hoping the camera angle happens to be trained in just the right direction.

And, lest anyone become too complacent, it’s worth remembering that the technology is only as good as the people monitoring it. And so I worry – how will my ADHD daughter be able to monitor the text messages regarding the regularity of my bowel movements if she keeps losing her cell phone?

But allow me to direct your attention, Reluctant, to another invention that I’m not sure isn’t more frightening than comforting. It’s the “med-cottage”, sometimes referred to as a “granny-pod”. This is a structure installed in the backyards of adult children who don’t want their parents actually living inside their houses, but also don’t want to send them to nursing homes. Please take a moment to imagine a hybrid between a hotel room and a doghouse, only wired with motion detectors, video cameras and other state-of-the-art surveillance equipment.

I can’t rid myself of the image of each of us staring mournfully out of the windows of our Little Houses on the Prairie, our respective noses pressed against the glass as we watch our families in the “Big House” sitting around a table in a brightly lit room, enjoying a comfortable meal, laughing and, perhaps, singing. And then a tornado comes along and, like Dorothy’s house in Kansas, our lightweight trailer-park-for-one is swept up into the funnel cloud and carried off. Unaware, the family in the big house keeps on singing.

Well, here’s my thought for what it’s worth: If that’s how I’m going to be “aging-in-place”, then I’d like to be allowed to age in some other place, please – preferably one where the backyard has a nice pool.

Signed,

GAB

“Alisa Singer’s humorous essays have appeared in a variety of print and online newspapers and magazines across the country and in Canada. She is the author of various gift books designed to entertain and amuse baby boomers. Her newest book, When a Girl Goes From Bobby Sox to Compression Stockings…She Gets a Little Cranky, is available at www.Lulu.com. You can learn more about her work by visiting her website: www.AlisaSinger.com or contacting her at ASingerAuthor@gmail.com.”

When I was in high school I had attended a dance after a football game. I’m not much of a dancer now and I was even worse back then, but I knew how to get my slow dance on.  As my buddies and I were checking out the girls my radar went off.  That’s the one.  So I took a deep breath and asked her to dance in my shy little voice and she said yes.  I was just about to walk away from her when I realized she had said yes and wasn’t laughing.

We started dancing, she was very cute and I was very nervous. My face was buried in her big 1980′s hair and thinking “Gee your hair smells terrific!”  Then I told two people and they told two people and so forth and so on.  I never did get paid for coming up with that commercial either.

I was chewing on a piece of gum and when the dance was over I realized later that my gum was gone.  What the heck?  I was so nervous I probably just swallowed it.  After a few fast songs another slow song finally comes on.  She said yes once so maybe I’ll try my luck again.

I went to look for her and when I saw her I froze up like a statue.  Not because I was nervous this time, but because I realized that I had also just found my gum.  That’s right, hanging from her hair.  Daaaaaang!

Since it was a slow song I just slowly turned and walked away. I’m not sure when she ever found it and I never asked.  I did, however, learn a very valuable lesson from that experience that I can explain in just two words. “Tic Tac!”  I’m just sayin’.

by Shannon Lindsay

The Structured Mindset

As I am sitting in one of the over 80 classes, workshops and focus groups that Structure house offers weekly, I am struck by what. Lee Kern, Structure House’s Clinical Director has written on the board.  Sustained Stress = Toxic.  In a word, I am a “stress” eater.  Whenever I feel even the tiniest bit out of sorts, I reach for some “instant” relief.  I immediately realize how valuable the psychological side of weight loss is and I appreciate the emphasis that Structure House gives to it. 

As a bonus there are many classes available each week that delve into this subject such as behavior modification, stress management, realistic goal setting, relaxation techniques, lifestyle assessment and counseling, dealing with addiction, guilt, mood changes and more.  There are also several workshops that focus on some heavier issues such as setting lifetime goals, spirituality and breaking the diet mentality. 

One of the interesting things that I took away from Lee’s lecture was how important it was for us to figure out if our hunger is psychological or physical.  For instance, if we were to miss a meal, for most of us, it doesn’t represent a true crisis; we would still have access to food or another meal later on that day.  This is unlike people in third world countries who experience true hunger each day and aren’t really sure when or if they will eat again.  Personally I found that to be a very powerful concept.  There have been many times when I almost “panicked” over the thought of missing lunch…not to mention dinner.  Just ask my husband how grumpy I get if we are traveling out of town and it’s dinner time with no food in sight.  I literally become upset over the thought. 

As previously stated, I am a lifetime member of the weight loss/gain club, however, I’ve never given much thought to why it has continued to be a struggle for most of my life.  So while sitting in one of the workshops on self-esteem I decided to branch out and join the class in the discussion.  I admitted to everyone that I didn’t like having my picture taken, or rather that I do not enjoy seeing myself in pictures.  This was the first time that I had ever said that out loud.  Imagine my surprise when another participant said that she felt the same way.  (At Right:  Typical meal at Structure House)

A favorite class that week had to do with the different “selves” inside each of us.  Imagine a big circle with little circles inside.  We are the big circle and the little circles are our “sub-selves.”  It’s good to be a mix of different sub-selves.  Some of your sub-selves are obvious, like wife, daughter, teacher, sports-fan; while others are a little harder to pinpoint – like the “overeater” sub-self.  Why do we have a self that overeats?  In one exercise, we had to name our “over-eater” self (I named mine Sophie) and then find out what’s behind the eating.  Sophie eats because it makes me (Shannon) happy but I soon realized that the happiness was only temporary.  Once the cookie was gone or the pizza was eaten, there was only the sadness of the added pounds and unhealthy lifestyle.  She thinks she’s making me happy but in the end, she’s really not.

Beautifully Structured

During my stay at Structure House I was fortunate to meet so many wonderful people but one of the most memorable is a woman by the name of Sheryl Le Vine.  Sheryl is from Schaumburg, Illinois, a suburb outside of Chicago.  She’s an elementary school teacher and just an all around incredible person, full of sunshine and optimism.  Sheryl is also the owner of the coveted “Red Jacket” which means she lost 100 lbs while being on the Structure House program.  I sat down with Sheryl to find out what motivated her.  (Above:  Sheryl working out “before.”)

Twelve years ago Sheryl’s mother died.  A year and a half later her father died and then a good friend died three months after that.  While working as a teacher Sheryl became ill and had to take a leave of absence.  It was then that she decided to do something to get healthy.  That first summer she was only going to stay at Structure House for four weeks but ended up extending her stay to six weeks and lost 30 lbs during that time.  Then she went home.  Sheryl took with her all of the things she’d learned during her stay and continued to lose weight.  “Working out is my other job,” says Sheryl.  “I don’t give myself choices.  I work, I workout and then I play.  It takes balance.”  (Below:  Sheryl and her “Red Jacket.”)

Sheryl gave herself a charm bracelet and adds a new charm with every five pounds she loses.  When she started, Sheryl was on three different medications for Type II Diabetes and now is on half of only one.  Additionally, she has cut her blood pressure and cholesterol medications down to a fraction of what they were.  Throughout the school year she stays connected with Randy Weiss her trainer from Structure House which helps her stay motivated.  “I think it’s really important for people to know what you want to do before you go down this path.  It’s more than just a number on the scales.  It’s reducing your medications and being healthier, it’s about being able to move better.  If you are willing to go down this road then you should know that it doesn’t happen overnight.”  To date, Sheryl has lost 120 lbs.  She is my hero and I am so glad to call her my friend. 

Maintaining Structure

There is simply too much to tell about my five days at Structure House.  In short, it was a wonderful experience and one that has deeply affected me in more ways than one.  The people are fabulous and the program gives you all the tools you need to get healthy and stay healthy.  If you are serious about weight-loss and want to find a place that focuses on the whole you from the inside-out, Structure House may just be the perfect place.  For more information about Structure House, please contact at 1-800- 553-0052 or e-mail at info@structurehouse.com and at www.structurehouse.com.

By Shannon Lindsay

 As a lifelong weight-loss warrior I am always on the lookout for the “next great thing” in the battle to lose weight.  I think it’s safe to say that I’ve tried just about everything.  To be quite honest, I am also a bit of a cynic when it comes to all of the new diets and claims of quick fixes.  I know that it’s about the calories that you consume and the calories that you burn and as the saying goes – I’ve been there…done that. 

A lot of you probably know exactly what I mean.  If you’re like me and have tried to lose weight only to gain it back again, we are part of a very discouraging statistic.  Studies have shown that 95 percent of dieters fail to maintain their weight loss.  Diets just don’t seem to work.  However, when I heard about the program at Structure House, a residential weight loss center in Durham, North Carolina, I admit I was intrigued.  I’ve always wanted to know what goes on behind the doors at these weight-loss institutions.  Is it anything like the ranches on T.V.? 

Founded in 1977 by Dr. Gerard Musante, Structure House is one of the most hardworking and heartfelt places that I have ever witnessed.  As a clinical psychologist and author of The Structure House Weight Loss Plan, Dr. Musante began his career working with overweight patients in a hospital-based program.  He watched as patients who lost weight while in a structured medical environment tended to regain it back after they returned home to their basically “unstructured” life.  Dr. Musante realized that a person’s relationship with food had much more to do with their success in weight loss and especially for long-term results.  Because of this, he began to merge the principles of nutrition, exercise and psychology into a treatment program designed to treat the whole person from the inside out and Structure House was born.   (Right:  Gerard Musante, Ph.D., Structure House founder)

Getting Structured

It would be impossible for me to talk about Structure House without highlighting the fact that it’s the people there are at the heart of this story and during my 5 days on campus I realized that the people were what mattered the most. From all 50 states and over 35 countries, the participants have come to Structure House over the last 30 years to experience the program first hand.  Some participants, I found, had been there before while others were visiting for the first time.  But the one thing that we all had in common was that we were all here and holding onto one word…hope. 

On my first day at Structure House I met two other ladies who would be my companions for the week and at our intake session we learned what getting “structured” was for the first time.  To be “structured” means to eat and exercise in a structured format like eating three meals a day – at the same time each day.  If you eat outside of these times, you aren’t being structured.  This sounded like a good strategy for me especially since I’ve never really been a “snacker.”  Basically, the only reason a person should eat is for nourishment and if you are eating for other reasons then you need to ask yourself why you are eating.  I learned that if you are eating at other times, it’s usually because of three reasons, you’re either bored, you’re stressed or it’s a habit…not because you are hungry.  No truer words may have ever been spoken. 

Student of Change

(Left:  Marlene Lesson teaching a class on nutrition)

There are world class psychologists, dieticians, and other professionals on the campus working towards a common goal of helping the participants reach theirs.  At my nutrition orientation, I quickly found that Marlene Lesson, who is Nutrition Director at Structure House, is a genius.  Marlene has been at Structure House for 27 years.  She makes the menus for every person and teaches several nutrition classes weekly.  I always knew that certain foods were comfort foods.  But I didn’t realize that crunchy foods may be indirectly connected to anger or that sweets help to improve moods and meats can lend encouragement. 

One of the important parts of the Structure House program is keeping up with your Food Diary.  There are four main points to Structured Eating -

• 3 Planned Meals
• Calorie Conscience
• Maximize Nutrition
• Identifying Food Triggers (habit, boredom or stress)

By following these guidelines and recording your meals and exercise in your diary, a pattern quickly forms to what could be your challenges.  This is why being “structured” is so essential to the program. 

Walking hand in hand with nutrition for a healthy lifestyle is exercise.  At Structure House there are three general guidelines for each participant who enters the program.  The first is to improve your aerobic capacity to be able to accumulate 45-60 minutes of cardio a day.  The second is to improve your flexibility by adding 10-15 minutes of stretching into your daily exercise plan and lastly, to improve your strength by weight training or using resistance bands 2-3 times a week.  

Upon beginning the program each participant is given a full Fitness Assessment consisting of different tests to measure your weight, body mass index, your resting heart rate, your strength and flexibility.  Not only did I find this information invaluable, I was also surprised by my own results especially when it came to the strength and flexibility portion.  Not as great as I thought.

There’s lots more to this story so please click here to read Part II of my visit to Structure House.

A few times I would get lucky and find a pair of jeans that I thought were the perfect ones, but in the end there was always something that didn’t exactly work.  Until recently, the only ”perfect” pair of jeans that I thought existed are in a movie called “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.”  (Lets face it, that pair of jeans made those four girls look and feel great!)  However, that was Hollywood and we live in the real world. 

So, if cost wasn’t an issue why couldn’t I find the perfect fit?  

Not long ago the fashion industry came close to creating the perfect pair of jeans when they incorporated stretch into the fabric.  However, most of those jeans still weren’t exactly right for me.  Because of the way the fabric was cut, they felt tight and restricted my movements.  And some of them had too much ”give” and would become stretched-out within the first hour of putting them on.  (Which was not a pretty site at all.)  I had almost given up until I discovered Marc Allison Jeans!

What’s so special about these jeans you ask? 

Well, Marc Allison Jeans are made with a fabric that offers a four-way XRT stretch denim infused with Supima cotton.  The creator, Marc Flashberg, of Marc Allison Jeans, learned of a yarn that would allow denim to stretch in the length as well as the width.  This denim offers unique fiber memory that sculpts the body and maintains its shape day after day wash after wash.  When you hear the expression “Fits Like a Glove” these jeans do just that.  Marc believes that jeans should be able to move with the body, retain their shape and look good.  I definitely agree and I’m so glad to have finally found the perfect pair! 

Marc Allison Jeans are available in select stores and online at www.marcallisonjeans.com.

Price: $175-$200

Fit/Sizes: – Skinny, Straight Leg, Boot Cut and Classic Bell / Sizes 24-32

A few years back my two boys, Josh and Alex, had been spending an awful lot of time out in the barn working on something. I finally got curious and headed out across the yard to see what they were up to.

They were working on a top secret project and no one was to know about it until it was done. Ok, no problem, I can take a hint. So I picked up my tools, drooped my head and shoulders, and then slowly walked away with my lip dragging the ground.

I had every intention of sneaking back out there later to see what they were doing but “King of the Hill” came on but I forgot all about it.

A day or two later the boys are done with their project and Melissa and I are summoned to the grand “unveiling.”  We’re told to stand on the road at the bottom of the hill in front of our house. 

Suddenly, two go-carts appear at the top of the hill.  Josh gets in one and Alex gets in the other.  We realize that it’s a race and Melissa and I are the finish line.

So here they come hauling butt down the hill and it’s going to be close.  Josh is in the lead then Alex passes him up.  Josh catches him and now they are neck and neck.

I’m really getting into it cause I love a good race.

Melissa and I are screaming and yelling and jumping up and down. It’s Josh… it’s Alex… it’s a photo finish!

As they cross the finish line Melissa and I just give each other a funny look.  I can’t believe it.  It can’t be.  Craaaaap!

My missing guitar case gets first place and Melissa’s missing ironing board comes in second! Looks like we are going to have to take inventory in the house and lock everything up.  I have to hand it to them though, they are very creative.  I’m just sayin’.

The other morning I made a ruckus trying to get my chronically late teenager up in time for school. She pleaded for “just another ten minutes” but I yelled, screamed and threatened waterboarding until I got her up and into the bathroom. But when she hadn’t surfaced a half hour later I peeked in to find her curled up on the floor of the shower, sleeping, or pretending to sleep. She was going to get those extra ten minutes one way or another. My daughter was treating me to a taste of passive aggressive behavior; better said, she was treating herself, because passive aggression is not only one of the most underrated tools in our arsenal, it’s also one of the most satisfying. (More about that later.)

For those of you who are not regular users, passive aggression can best be described as a statement or act that appears on the surface to be innocent or even sweet, but is actually motivated by hostility, containing a hidden barb of some sort – a sugar-coated pill with a really bad aftertaste. This compliment, for example, from a slim woman to a heavy one: “How brave of you to wear leggings!” It’s the kind of behavior that characterizes the so-called “mean girls.”

So, mean girls, mean women, how did we get to be that way? After all, evolutionary psychologists tell us we’re programmed to be pleasers.  When the cavemen went off to hunt, the women stayed behind to care for the kids, bonding together in the face of danger and finding safety in numbers. They had little choice – a woman fleeing from a saber-tooth tiger with an infant hanging from her breast and a toddler in tow was not likely to achieve a personal best for the 400 meter run.

Exclusion from the protection of the clan posed an existential threat – you could starve or be eaten by predators – so the cave women learned to get along, spritzing each other with oxytocin and becoming BFFs. And they learned to express anger in safe, subtle ways. Since the outright expression of hostility was dangerous, passive aggression was born to fill the gap between mute compliance and rebellion.

My family recently presented me with yet another excellent example of passive aggression. (Apparently we are very good at this.) My mother had just learned that she had been excuded from the birthday party of Joan, a member of her social circle. Truth be told, she was not overly fond of Joan and, in fact, rather disliked her. Nonetheless, she felt snubbed. I was with my mom when she first heard about this and as she mulled over the situation. After a while she announced:  “I think I”ll get her a nice present.” 

On the surface this would appear to be a generous impulse.  However, knowing my mother, this was not a selfless gesture but the stroke of a master manipulator. She could have opted for direct, honest confrontation, but that would have been potentially disruptive to the balance of relationships. Equally important, it would have all been over too soon.

Woody Allen once described a debate he and his wife had about whether to use their savings to take a nice vacation or to get a divorce. They opted for the divorce, reasoning that a vacation is over in a week, but a divorce is something you’ll always have. Open aggression is like a nice vacation – momentarily satisfying but then, you know, it’s over and you’re left with a hefty bill.  But the pleasures of passive aggression go on and on.

To illustrate, the scenario between my mother and Joan might play out like this:  My mother would pretend not to know about the party and send a thoughtful gift. First, she would enjoy imagining Joan’s discomfort upon receiving the present. Then, Joan would call and thank her, feeling obliged to extend an invite to the party, thereby allowing my mom the further joy of turning her down with all the sweet insincerity she could muster. Or the plot might thicken. Joan could send a thank you note but fail to proffer the expected invitation. Then my mother would have to wonder  – was Joan “on to her” and retaliating in kind, or was she the rare woman that was simply immune to guilt and other devious tactics?  Either way, the game promised to be highly entertaining. 

But here we are in the 21^st century and it’s fair to ask the question: Why are we still afraid to openly express our negative feelings? The saber-tooth tigers are long gone. A third of the country is obese so there appears to be plenty of food.  And the men, well not the hunters they used to be, are they? So why aren’t we teaching our daughters:  “If you have nothing nice to say, …   just come right out and say it!”

I believe the reason is that straightforward and honest aggression is just not as much fun as the insidious kind, the kind that has delighted and amused women since long before the Pleistocene era. And who are we to tamper with such a time-honored tradition?

So let’s pass along this admonition, instead: “If you have nothing nice to say, just say something that sounds really nice.”

 “Alisa Singer’s humorous essays have appeared in a variety of print and online newspapers and magazines across the country and in Canada. She is the author of various gift books designed to entertain and amuse baby boomers. Her newest book, When a Girl Goes From Bobby Sox to Compression Stockings…She Gets a Little Cranky, is available at www.Lulu.com. You can learn more about her work by visiting her website: www.AlisaSinger.com or contacting her at ASingerAuthor@gmail.com.”

As 2010 came to an end, I found myself in a quiet place – a place of meditation, introspection, reflection and self-examination. What had this year consisted of? Had I grown? Had I changed? Did I meet my goals? Did I extend love instead of anger, grace instead of judgment, wisdom instead of opinion, encouragement instead of criticism? Had I repented sincerely, forgiven quickly, trusted implicitly? Had Christ become bigger and more evident in my life?

Where had I failed and succeeded? How could I improve? What did I need to release, and what do I need to hold on to? What had God shown me and taught me this year? What has He worked in me? What has He worked out of me? How does He want me to prepare for 2011?

I remember this time last year like it was yesterday. I was discouraged, disappointed and heartbroken. As I sat on the cusp of what had been, what was and what was to come, I vowed to myself and to God that I would not remain there. I refused to live another year stagnant, going through the same motions and winding up in the same place. I was determined, no matter the cost, that I would live 2010 differently.

In 2010 I experienced the love of God in ways I’ve never known, and come to understand that sometimes His greatest love for us is in withholding those things we’re not yet ready for. It is walking with us through the journey of brokenness instead of taking us around it.

The first thing I learned this year is that there truly is beauty in brokenness. It is a place of surrender where we no longer ask the Lord to spare us the pain, but commit to the process, holding onto Him and not letting go until He changes us, heals us and makes us new. There is a redefining in this brokenness that frees us from the comfortable confines of how we define ourselves, and helps us embrace the identity He has given us. It’s taking His word over ours, surrendering control and submitting to His Lordship in our lives……it is bittersweet, but it is a raw beauty like no other – the transforming of a heart and a life into something that reflects His beauty, His truth, His love.

2010 also brought a new revelation of God’s sovereignty. Everything is purposeful! Everything is appointed, and He makes everything work together for our good. Everything! Even when the hit is so hard it takes your breath away, even when it seems like nothing good is happening in your life, even when it feels like that hurt will never heal, even when all your circumstances say the exact opposite of God’s promises to you. It is in these times when you become so aware that God is the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last. He is before time and after time, and not one thing catches Him off guard. If it’s come into your life, then He has already made a way to turn it around for good! If you can get that cemented in your spirit, it will change your life. You will look at things differently, you will pray differently, your faith will grow, your peace will be constant and your joy will overflow! He has already orchestrated the outcome before the trial even comes! THAT IS AMAZING!

In 2010 I experienced the first tangible fulfillment of a specific promise from God with the publication of my book, Bubble Bath Moments. It came a year later than I thought and was entirely different that I originally imagined, but….it was right on time and exactly what He planned. It is perfect…..perfectly Him! That has been the most humbling, awe-inspiring thing about this book – it was all Him and none of me. It is amazing what God can do when we just say, “Yes” to Him, and stop trying to tell Him how to best bring His will in our lives!

So, as I sit here reflecting, there is a smile on my face and tears in my eyes. It was a full year – full of pain and full of joy, full of tears and laughter, full of breaking and re-making. It was not all enjoyable, I didn’t like some parts – at all, but it was purposeful! I have learned for my own that the promises of God are true. He does walk with us through the fire, His grace is sufficient, He loves me with an everlasting love, a love so deep that we won’t let me settle for less than His best for me, He loves me enough to let me hurt so He can heal me…….He has a plan, and it’s for my good!

I have grown, I have changed, I have learned how to love better, give more, take less. I’ve failed and failed again, but I’ve learned, that I don’t always know best. I’ve learned humility is never fun, but the payoff is exponential. I’ve learned to pray for God’s timing – and really understand how that’s best for me. I have learned to hold on to my dreams with open hands, to live for today and let God worry about tomorrow. I’ve learned to be content – which may be the key to all of this – contentment is the key that opens the door to the commanded blessings of peace and joy. I have learned. I have learned. I have learned……and most importantly I have learned to trust the One who holds me in the palm of His hand.

2010 was a year of restoration and of preparation, and I wouldn’t change one part. I am clay on the potter’s wheel, and He knows how to make me into the valuable creation He made me to be – even when it’s uncomfortable. My life sits in the charge of the Lord – and I trust Him to orchestrate it into a symphony of His love.

There are still things I’m waiting on – dreams I have, promises to be fulfilled, hopes not yet spoken, but I don’t look at the disappointment in the delay, I look at the absolute perfection of His timing, and know that there’s still work to do to prepare me for them – and them for me! So, I give thanks in the delay – it is a time of preparation, a time of growth and a time of transformation, and I trust Him. He has proven Himself faithful!

“There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

  a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,” Eccleiastes 3: 1-7